the Flip side

I am disappointed to report this last week has not been a good one for my running. and it's upsetting. I hired a coach about 2 weeks ago and I have a schedule now. I hired the coach because i feel like i need the coaching of someone who is experienced, especially with ultra running. My goal is to finish a 50 Miler, strong. I have other goals too, but this is the main one right now. Starting off with my coach and having a crappy running week does not feel good. Last saturday I ran the trail half-marathon and felt happy! I was giddy-like afterwards. Then the running week started on tuesday:

4/21/08: 5 miles/48:30/9:42 pace - treadmill
4/22/08: 4.5 miles/43:14/9:36 pace - outside, hills
4/26/08: 6 miles/59:44/9:57 pace - outside, hills

I was also to run on Thursday, but i missed it. I had no time unless i wanted to get up and run at 5:30am and I am just not real comfortable doing that right now...in the morning darkness

Wednesday's run and todays felt like crap. I felt incredibly sluggish. Legs felt very tight and heavy. I EVEN GOT A MASSAGE LAST NIGHT. A mild one > not very deep at all. Of course, I wish i felt differently. But, all this really messes with my mind...these were some of my thoughts today during the run:"my coach is gonna think i suck", "what is wrong with me?", "what if i am not able to run 50 miler?" "what does that mean for me?" "maybe i should take a break?" and on and on...even the music on my iPOD could not drone out my pounding thoughts. and even my rising anger could not make it any better (which is often times does)

I hope some of ya'll out there can relate??